My Sweet Nothings

by Beau Sia
I forget what formulas your love works with.
You've stated things that proofs cannot prove.
Your hands are a diagram why romance with you has failed.
I reduce you to math poetics;
Dehumanizing to empower, but it's not working.
I just wish you didn't encompass my entire heart grid.
I was forced;
'Cause I have no desire to leave you.
Even though all you do, is subtract from me.

After what had seem to be an endless cycle of monotony, I found my sliver of light. Oddly enough, it was through lazing about and engaging in less than eventful events. Maybe it is true that silver linings can be found in between dark clouds. Go figure.

"Life is like an excessive series of problems: all so difficult with brutal choices and a time limit. The single worse thing we can do is to make no choice while we're waiting for an answer to come to us."

I had forgotten that all too long ago. It's saddening how our memory seems to fail us as old problems creep back to haunt us. Every time I go to update my LJ I notice it becomes riddled with incessant complaints about my current way of life. Stray too far away from the light and you'll be lost; stray too close to the light and you'll be burned. It is amusingly ironic how Balance can be easily tipped to the left or right. Without straining my train of thought, is the real question finding that Balance or is it maintaining it?

The same repeating messages appear right in front of my nose: no drive, lack of ambition, sightless goals, nonexistent luster. "The tragedy is endlessly repeated in order to fulfill desires." So well written is the premise that my life is raveled with it just like a bad song set on repeat.

The irony of all of it all, as I continue to write to ease my soul I only prolong the inevitable affliction: anxiety. I ponder if excessive cases of short term solutions become the long term solution for long term problems. If a person has trouble with staying up early for his career, do they take a cup of Joe for the rest of their lives? Analogously, if a person suffers from depression does the solution become an endless cycle of antidepressants in the morning? Just cut that shit out and get down to the real problem. Identify it. Analyze it. Beat the shit out of it.

To be frank, I have. On several occasions as I clumsily patch the the hole in my soul, perhaps of some sick joke played on by a higher being I stumble upon yet another hole (with each success being more deeper than the latter).

I'm hit with another straining thought, "If the worst thing we can possibly do is nothing while waiting for an answer, how is continuously doing something that does not help any better?" Maybe it isn't any better or maybe I'm not trying hard enough. The silver lining that I've found may well enough turn into another plight of unfortunate events, but it's all that I have got. Let's just keep at it.

"There is more than one path."

"The supposedly broken music box starts to move, and a nostalgic tune fills the air. I then happen to wake up from the dream; there really was no music box. Yet, there it was nestled in my hand, and I awake from the dream again. As if I was peeling an onion, it's a dream no matter how far I go. I can never return to reality. Such a nightmare, this is."

All the things I've ever wanted in life:

For the past year I have had a serious case of writer's block. It's really late right now and I should be sleeping but I can't. I just need to think and when I think, I need to write.

In about a year, I am going to be in Sacramento. I don't think I'll come back San Jose that often. I'm a little sick of this city and most of the residents that I see in it. I'm tired of seeing the same bleak faces every time I peer out my window. But over the years I guess you really do get used to it. I guess I've fallen into this lifestyle. If one thing isn't bothering me, it's another. Honestly I'm a little afraid of moving. It seems as if there's an underlying ordeal that I'll seem to take with me if I do go. When I catch my breath, it seems most of my troubles emanate from within. It seems I've attracted all the problems that I'm facing. To tell you the truth, once you're in a lifestyle it's hard to learn from the past so you don't repeat the future. The same shit just keeps popping in and out every day. Naively, I still hope a change in environment will help me.

Looking back on everything, I really wonder if I ever did reach my goals. When I was so optimistic about the future and what it holds. Now that I am where I am, it just seems so bleak. The future and the present. I suppose the most important step I need to take is to tie myself to a new goal. I haven't been able to keep track of where I'm going lately. I believe now is a good time as any to take charge again.

--

"'What is' is more important than 'What should be.'."
One of the things I've ashamedly forgotten is the teachings of my hero. The way I look at things now it seems I've forgotten my roots and my perception have become far too narrowed. Blaming circumstances and situations is really all I've ever been doing. It's more than just "I really need to reassess myself". I need to re-empty my cup. I want to absorb life the way that my life had absorbed me.

I need to sleep.

I check up on my LiveJournal every two days or so. Just to check up on some friends and their blogs or to just surf around. Everytime I get here though I see the ever foreboding "Last update in 'XX' weeks" and it just makes me cringe. Oh how you are treated unjustly so my fleeting thoughts and my online journal.

Anyway, down to business.

Ponder this for a moment:
There are no answers, only choices.
Those who know, can not say;
and those that do not know, can only talk about it.
Please smile, those that do.
And know that Love is the answer.
Say what you like, but I know the truth.
And only the truth shall set you free.

The more I think about the ideas of Life and Love, the more I become dislodged to monotony. I don't really have much else to say but I have come to terms with a few temporary conclusions. I know it's something most readers will take with a grain (maybe container) with salt, but I do love to share.

However, before I begin. My concerns lie as to who reads this and who actually does "READ" it. Like actually analyze the text. For example when I wrote "And know that Love..." instead of "And know that love...". Letters that begin with a capital denotes it as a proper noun, meaning it has a name. To further that idea, I like to denote certain words as an "idea". So the "idea" of Love and not just "love". Anyway, enough of the English seminar:

Life:
From the viewpoint of a 19/20 year old and what I have measly experienced in life, I've found that the best way for me to live it is to.. well, live it. I find it rather difficult (in some cases, amusing) seeing people my age struggling with the monotony that is reality. I carefully observe and add it to my understanding. Generally speaking, I'd like to focus on education. Personally I believe that the rising cost of tuition fees are ridiculous. For one thing it only allows more room for a mutilating society but that's not what I'm going to talk about lol. What I'm talking about is how it's making my friends feel. Personally I find the academia environment pretty relaxing and at its worst, tedious. There's no real secret to it, I just simply stay happy. I don't let it stress get to me. I mean I was 5 minutes late to a midterm, got put on blast in front of a class of 100 peers, and I will now have to retake that class because of that midterm. There's certainly a lot to be pissed off about but in the end all I really did was just found my relaxed state of mind and reassured myself: This is not the end of the world, no one died. There is no rush when it comes to education and there certainly is no rush when it comes to happiness. Don't let this get to you (me) it's just another class and I can easily retake this. When one path ends it seems a few more start revealing themselves. I find that it's best to have fun with the path you walk on or switch off to. Simply put I think this quote really speaks out my true intentions: "Life is best lived."

Love:
I believe in all kinds of Love that people try to label and personally I believe in Free Love the most. Why not haha. Certainly there is a possessive quality and aspects geared towards Love. But simply put, I find it easy to love and freely love. A person had once told me (and I am paraphrasing) even though we may have ended, my love for you is still there; I can always look back and tell you with honesty that you still have a piece of my heart. (I think I said it better than she did lmao). Do not get me wrong though, I'm in a relationship and I believe that it will certainly go far, and I am hoping for the best. All the while however, people that I have met and the people I will meet will undoubtedly change and skew my perspective. To these people I owe it to them that I find a more deeper and profound meaning to continue to live and to continue to love. I think the hardest part about it is the idea of monogamy. But all the while I believe in it.. partly. I have a girlfriend and that's how it's going to remain forever: just girlfriend (no S). I still, however, enjoy the company of several of my girl friends. For this specific entry, to sum it all up, I just simply enjoy the people that I've attracted in this life. I love it.

Anyway, there's still a lot more to it I can add but I rather not spend too much time, energy, and thought on these two big yet small/complex yet simple ideas. That and I'm trying to finish it quickly (I hope you're reading this D:).

I might have an idea as to how I'm going to be increasingly more active with my posts but we'll see.

To do what ever you want, when ever you want and having no one to boss you around; one of the best and worst things about being a legal adult. So what matters it to him that your attendance has been spotty? What matters it to him that you’re not outputting proficiently enough? And by the by, I’m using the term “Him” capitally. So, so what. I’m a fucking adult. I’m a fucking American. I can do WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT. If you don’t like it then you’re communist. But it matters.

But It Matters.

I can list off the top of my head a full days worth of shit that I have to do; a mental “to-do” list (or more in this case, a mental “to-shit-on” list). But what ever the excuse, the time allotted is most often mal-used. But life is not set in stone. Everyone should at least understand one of the greatest necessities for life is change (however brief or great). I still have my fucking priorities and I’m sacrificing more than just an arm and a leg. So why the FUCK is everything still the same.

I mean that is to say, none of us are the same. Given. But in some (and more prominent in America, most) ways, we are the same. Granted different situations. However, I’m still trying to get my two-cents worth in.

I think that you have it easy? The whole FUCKING world has it easy. There are people who are born just for the sole PURPOSE for dying. And here WE are fucking at each others throat holes to clock in our work and make bank.

And for what.

FOR FUCKING WHAT?

Well you know what. That’s not my incentive. Fuck the millions of starving children around the world. Fuck the cripple. Fuck the ill. Fuck the elderly. But most importantly, fuck anyone who isn’t American. Does that sicken you? Good. No wait… I don’t give a fu-darn.

My incentive is to just make bank. To get that letter grade. To get by, by myself. I don’t care about life’s lessons, I don’t care about my fucking hobbies, I don’t care about friends, and most importantly, I don’t care about the world. Cause none of that shit is going to care for me.

Seriously, what’s in it for you. Why do you go to school? You don’t have to, you’re an adult now kid. Why do you go to work? You don’t have to, you’re an American. What’s this shit about giving? Taking care of other people when you can’t even put food (THAT YOU BOUGHT) in your belly. Hypocrite. I’m in this shit, for ME. Tell me you’re not the same. Tell me that you don’t go to school to have a good job (you don’t go to school for education; you INVEST time in school to get money). Fucking Tell me that you’re in it for your people, your family, your friends, your lovers, your neighbors, your community. TELL ME THAT YOU’RE DOING IT FOR THEM! That’s right. I thought so.

This.. this shithole of a system is not working for us right now. Where is the Love? There is seriously something wrong with us. And it’s not new. This issue is not new..

Why are we doing this. Why are we pointing the gun at ourselves. Why are we pointing the finger at ourselves. What did we do? What did we do to deserve this system. This system is supposed to work. WHY ISN’T IT WORKING? WHAT DID WE DO?

…

That’s right. We did nothing..

Absolutely nothing..

Lost and.. not Found?
          by Walton V. Tran

Hello, my name is.. Found. Remember me?
Giving me the cold shoulder are you?
Well.. do you.. know how much a polar bear weighs?
..enough to break the ice, anyway let's talk.
No really, it's about time. Listen.

I whisper subtle subtlety's subtlety.
Didn't get it? Didn't think you did.
I whisper secrets quietly, and undeniably
you turned your cheek, not exactly propriety.

And so I hit the pause button. No wait flip the switch.
As I pick myself pieces from the tiny bits of frits
of your memory. My memory? Ours.

Is it too much of a cost? To you it's probably a toss
of the coin. I never knew I was to blame for your exhaust.
Maybe I should be degaussed to accost for your shame embossed
cover. Or maybe really it's only me. Maybe I'm not Found. Maybe I'm just.. Lost?

Because it’s a Tuesday.
          by Walton V. Tran

I believe that it is past due. Past due to say that I need to,
That I need to say; that I need to do; to say “I do” to you so will you
Fly true with words that are now due; to begin with anew; wake up morning due
Will you? Will you? Because I will too.

I will carry. Carry on with the love that I’ll never bury.
Slow down, not married; not marry in front of “the” child of Mary.
But without worry weary, I must confess you’re beyond ordinary.
More ordinary; like a little extra ordinary. Something like extraordinary

Life’s locked, key’s love. Heavenly key sent by doves flying high above.
Treasure cove, I found you. My diamond, my Pearl, my precious love.
Hold up. No glove, no love. This is what it is of; Of love or something thereof.
Near the end, don’t shove. So let me finish my belove, I love this love.

This is not about me. This is about her.

Walking down the boardwalk; walking down the memory lane, I start to recollect where we even started. How did we end up here – or more importantly, why did we end up here? However mind you, this “end here” does not imply the “end” of anything other than the point in time the rhetorical question was brought up. Digressing back, I can start by saying that it was you that has captivated me; it was because of you that led to “us”. Through many hardships, through many trials, through many laughters, cries, and ows, we are here. You are here. I am here. Notably happy I might add.

But I do declare this again is not about me. This is about her.

Remember, remember, the month of November. It was just me and you plus them hard sugar cookies. Hah, yeah I remember that. The way you kicked me off the internet, what a hater :]. It was the best of times meeting you for the first time. Truly I can say that the pleasure was all mine and I do hope that you had a great time (okay enough with the rhymes).

A week later, I received your number and next thing I knew I found myself looking at two spiraling stacks of books intertwining. I was wearing the hat and got hat hair and looked horrendous. But somehow, without me knowing it, you saw through that guise and pierced my heart. Slowly, but surely, that wound that you left me, grew into something more. More beautiful, more refined, more… well actually, much more.

With the rise and fall of November, December struck from the pile of leaves. Of course, we live in San Jose (what with the weird weather) so I guess in the sense, it was becoming spring. Our shared dream that night? Watching the people pass by while some onlookers look towards the lights in the park. Us two, just sitting on the curb while being fascinated to the point of entrancement as the Christmas tree was standing tall. Including of course, sipping hot chocolate while staying warm as time sits still for the two of us. Reality hit us however lol. But the feelings were just as the same. Us two smiling as we drank Starbucks and watched the sky turn dark. It was a pleasant winter. It was a pleasant month. As I watched nature slowly decline into darkness with the approaching cool winds, my feelings came forth that wound that she has pierced within me and started to begin phase II: A blossoming future.

Meeting your friends was hard. But then again, I never really cared what other people think (about me for the most part). To them, I figured I was just “another guy”. It turns out I was right. I was “cool”. I suppose that’s what sets you apart; you saw me as more than just “cool”. You saw me as me. I saw you as you. I fell for a little girl who blossomed into a charming lady. I’m thankful for being there for that part of your life; watching you as you stay up working those projects with your fellow classmates; watching you walk that stage as you leave your years behind. I’m thankful for being allowed into that part of your life.

You were always letting me into your world, and so I(‘ll) let you in mine. I know it may be a lot to take in but this is me, all of me. And I hope that you can do the same as you’ve done in the past: to accept me and acknowledge me for whom I am.

You have always been doing so much for me; so much more than I can ever ask of you. You feed me, you worry for me, you care for me, and you love me. There’s an entire list that I can make that has all of the things you’ve done for me. I just regret not doing as much. I apologize for my imperfections and my flaws but I know that you will still accept and respect my feelings for you.

As I sit here while typing this, it gets harder and harder to describe how truly wonderful you are. No matter how much effort I put into looking, I can never (not even come close to) finding a word or any combination of words to honestly represent you as a person. Trang, you are far beyond descriptions, far beyond understanding, far beyond anything that I have ever known.

I’m proud of us. I’m proud of what we accomplished together. Most importantly, I’m proud of you.

I love our love.

Walton: fuck mexicans dude
JuS: hmm?
Walton: I just came home right
Walton: cause I went out with my friends
Walton: and like my mom and grandma are off somewhere at a casino/hotel
Walton: and like
Walton: when I got home
Walton: I saw this dude egging my house
Walton: and I was like
Walton: hey what're you doing man
Walton: and he's all like
Walton: egging this stupid asian house
Walton: and I was like yeah?
Walton: you know I happen to be one of the Asians living here right
Walton: and he's all yeah what of it punk
Walton: and pushed me you know
Walton: and so I punched him in the face
JuS: LOL
Walton: and he came at me again
Walton: and was all
Walton: what the fuck bitch
Walton: and I kicked him in the knee
Walton: and he fell
JuS: lolol
Walton: and gave him an arm bar and hyper extended his arm
Walton: and he started screaming and my neighbor came out
Walton: and was like
Walton: wth is going on here
Walton: and I'm like
Walton: ask this little shit
Walton: fucking egging my house
Walton: and apparently they knew each other
Walton: and my neighbor
Walton: took us to his home
Walton: and the guy's parents opened the door
Walton: and was like
Walton: wtf
Walton: and I'm like
Walton: your son was vandalizing my home
Walton: and then they yelled at him
Walton: and then like
Walton: 10 seconds later
Walton: they yelled at me
Walton: and I was like
Walton: WTF
JuS: LOL
Walton: I started screaming
JuS: what a boss
Walton: FUCK YOU MEXICANS
JuS: LOL
JuS: loololololol
Walton: FUCKING EGGING MY HOUSE AND SHIT WHILE I'M NOT HOME
Walton: WTF
Walton: I'LL FUCKING CALL IMMAGRATION CONTROL AND DEPORT YOUR ASS
Walton: MAYBE YOU CAN THROW YOUR WEBBOS AROUND THERE BITCH
Walton: and then I stormed off
Walton: and my neighbor was like
JuS: lol
Walton: dude chill
Walton: and I'm like
Walton: fuck you
JuS: whats ur neighbor?
Walton: I dare anybody to come at me right now
Walton: mexican
JuS: oh
JuS: lol
Walton: yeah
Walton: and like
Walton: he helped me clean my door and windows
Walton: fuck dude
Walton: I'm hella angry right now
Walton: I need a drink
JuS: it happened just now?
Walton: yeah
Walton: I just finished cleaning it 10 minutes ago
JuS: oh
Walton: god dude
JuS: ill come over later
Walton: I never been this mad right now
JuS: lets fuck him up
JuS: yeah =l
JuS: understandable
Walton: god

Never, NEVER, been this mad in my life.

Hmmm Friday night... after school I just stayed home and played some Lost Kingdoms until Trang surprisingly stops by. Afterwards we kinda just hung out for a while till her friend Jessica came. Then we were off to Golfland. Apparently Jessica and this guy named Devin were going out and she was nervous around him so Trang and I were supposed to be there for backup I guess. Anyway, it was pretty fun, Trang and I totally lost the first round hahaha, but we totally owned the second one. Gosh, playing mini-golf just reminds me of how much I suck at it (unless I cheat of course) hahaha.

It was fun though, but I have no plans for today. Hopefully I'll figure out what to do.

P.S. excuse the crappy writing, I haven't been able to write something even semi-decent in the longest of times. Boo.

So today was a holiday so there was no school today. Trang came over along with Tony while I was in the midst of cleaning my room. It's still somewhat messy at the moment but it's bearable.

Anyway..

I took a shower while the two were making me chicken alfredo pasta. It was all right but the chicken was as hard as rock (thanks to Tony's... unique style of cooking). Afterwards Trang and I watched Animal Crossing. Then we watched part of 1 Litre of Tears. It's an odd transition from cute and adorable to sad and tragic. But that's how we roll son.

We also played a few games which led to the two of us making dinner. We attempted making crème brûlée. It didn't really came out how we wanted to be but it was still good (in my opinion). Then, being the gangsters that we were, began to slow dance on my bed. Haha, we lost balanced quite often but it was cute. Don't worry, if you fall, I'll catch ya Trang ;].

Overall, I'd say this was a spectacular day. Very well spent on my break =].

Goodbye 07, hello 08.

In one whole year. 12 Months. 365 Days. 525,600 Minutes. I've changed a lot to say the least. I mean, throughout my lifespan, I was constantly changing. I'm sure we all do. I measure my life by school. Elementary, Junior High, High, and currently Junior College. We spend a minimum of a full 540 hours of school from K-12. That's a huge chunk of life, so why not?

In Elementary school, I was a dork. This little geeky weird Asian boy. Typical kid, no identity. I was too generic. Lol. I liked sports, professional wrestling, cartoons, and 4-Sqaure. I can still remember most of the shit I did back then as if it happened only yesterday. I was content, I was happy. I never really has a sense of "longing" but then again, I was too young to has a sense for anything except for getting into trouble.

As I grew, so did my mentality. Still quite immature mind you, but it's a start as with anything else. Throughout those 3 years, I went through a lot (for my age). I realized some miniature scale models of "Life's harshest lessons". I made it through quite fine though. I did a complete 180 personality wise but nearing the end, I'd say I did about another 270 degrees. Still quite the jerk I am today as I was back then I'm afraid.

Then came the transition into High school. I was so amped up about it. I had "visions" of how I thought it'd be like: Going out like every night, partying, driving, fucking bitches, and living life. How horribly wrong I was. I went out like hardly ever. Partying like hardly ever. Driving like never. Fucking bitches like never. Living life like hardly ever. Twas a horrible experience. But I graduated on time, maybe that accounts for something I should be proud about.

All phases of my life, horrible. Junior College however, is starting to look up.

Looking on a less wide range on my life (beginning of 07 - end of 07), I changed as much as I did like all of the other years of my life. I matured a lot thanks to my friends.

Edward Ha
Hanh Ha
Anh Huynh
Linh Nguyen
Tony Pham
Lester Rodriguez
Linda something lol
Michelle Tran

And many more that I'm missing. They all contributed to a part of my growth, and I'm thankful for that. I'm taking on responsibilities (without the added freedom -_-) and taking on much harder tasks and challenges with a stiff upper lip. My hobbies have led to to bigger and better things and it's starting to harmonize with everything in my life.

I love martial arts. It is my thing. If it were to become a woman, I'd be married to her. Till death do I part with the bitch. Lol. This is my passion, this is a huge part of my life. If it weren't for her, I would have never come as close to where I am right now. This really has brought life into, well, my life. I met a lot of new people last year because of it and it sparked and branched off into a hobby that I enjoy doing: Tricking.

All of this has built my work ethic to help advance and nurture my experience for Junior College. I'm 18. I have legally "became of age". It's time for me to keep on growing up. From a baby to a child to an adolescent to an adult. That's how to stages of life usually go, but for me. I'm still a child becoming a man. I have my beliefs, my philosophies my truths and my loves that I need to uphold. To be true to myself and to others, to set my limits as to have no limits, to understand before I judge, to give it beyond my all and never give in, to protect what I hold dear to me.

I will forge my future with my own two hands through hard work and fierce determination to become all that I can be. This is what it means to be a man.

Today was a good day. =]

Woke up really late today, around 1 p.m. Yikes, that's bad. But it happens from time to time, it's all good. Got out the vacuum and started spiffing up my house a little bit. Tony came by to pick me up and take me to go get my paycheck. I was surprised I made so much, I had a lower amount in my mind haha. But I'm glad. Went to WaMu, then went to go see his girlfriend at school. I left the two of them to themselves and bussed all the way to Hanh's house. I kicked it over there and told him to get off his lazy ass and go eat with me, my treat.

Anyway, we headed to Carls Jr. and I got acquainted with the Cashier. LOL. How cool is that, he knew my name =]. Guess you are right Trang, I AM famous. hahahah. Anyway, after the meal Hanh and I left to Tony's pad and kicked it there till he came back home with Trang. Then the four of us left to go bowl, since I'm tired of shooting pool all the damn time. It was all my treat of course, I didn't mind =]. Afterwards, we left for Christmas in the Park. It was all right, didn't really see to get much of it sadly. As Trang says however, it doesn't count =].

Afterwards we went towards the fountain near the Finance and Marketing buildings and started tricking there. It was pretty sick, I landed two Btwists and my Arabian on cement, how AWESOME is that? Haha, and this guy, Andrew Rosas, showed up to watch us. He's a Capoeirista and has been taking Capoeira for four years. He did a little demo for us and all I have to say is: THAT IS SIICK. He's a really interesting fellow, I'd love to spar him someday. Anyway, we exchanged emails to keep in touch <3.

So we left downtown and dropped Trang off. The three of us then went to my place to just rest before the two of them decide to go home. We had our guy talk. Girls, School, and Life.

School is really good. I love school, but I hate the work. Lol. But I mean, it's really beneficial for ME, so what do I have to complain right? I mean, people these days just worry about grades and G.P.A's and all that junk when that's only the half of it. I mean there's also like the way you live and your attitude and other such things that come into play. I mean yeah, grades are really important, but there's more to it than that. If you dorm up can you really handle it? How do you live? Do you live messy? Do you know how to cook? Do you know how to do the laundry? Can you take care of yourself? Do you still rely on your parents? I mean there's a lot of responsibility when you're independent. And if you can't handle any of that, what good are the grades when you can't even maintain it? There's a lot of will power and commitment and that's what it all comes down to. That's what everything comes down to really.

Life. Hmm. What can I say about it? I'm living it you know. Maybe not to it's fullest but in any scenario, I'm alive. I'm getting my act together and starting to take on responsibility. I'm growing up and I'm loving every minute of it. Most of everything wrong in my life is because of my own complications. I'm slowly fixing them but even so, I'm hardly perfect and I'm fine with that. I'm always going to be changing, either slowly or very quickly. That's the trouble with people, they don't accept the change, but rather fight it. It's hard, I know. I completely understand that. It's hard to let go, it's hard to hold on. But you know what you have to do even if you don't want to. Change is always occurring, either live with it or don't. I have a part time job, I'm a full time student, and I'm a committed martial artist. I'm going to be getting a car soon and I'm beginning to date again. I'm loving my life right now. As one door closes, many more open. All I can do now is take it one at a time and bask in it's glory when it arrives.

Peace out.